Disclosure
MarriageCounseling.io is owned by Vadim Fink, who is also CEO of the Relational Life Institute (RLI), the organization that trains therapists in RLT. We have tried to describe RLT in the same neutral, sourced way as every other method. RLT-trained therapists get no preference in our directory, and we list licensed therapists of every approach.
What is Relational Life Therapy?
Relational Life Therapy (RLT) is a model of couples therapy developed by family therapist Terry Real, who founded the Relational Life Institute (RLI) to teach it. RLI says the model draws on “family and systems therapy, feminist theory, neurobiology, and the core principles of 12-step recovery,” and that “it breaks from convention in how it’s practiced.”
What are the core ideas?
According to RLI’s course materials:
- The couple’s “dance.” Therapists look for the repeating pattern between partners, using a set of diagnostic lenses, and describe it back to the couple.
- One-up and one-down. RLT looks at two stances people move into under stress: “one-up grandiosity,” feeling better than or entitled, and “one-down shame,” feeling less than. Both are seen as disconnecting.
- Joining through the truth. The therapist aims to stay warmly connected to each partner while being direct about behavior that hurts the relationship.
- Relational mindfulness and skills. Partners learn to notice their reactions in the moment and practice specific skills for speaking up, listening and repair.
What are RLT sessions like?
RLI describes RLT therapists as active and direct. Ask any therapist how they structure sessions and how they apply the model.
Who may find it a good fit?
If you and your partner want a direct, candid approach and are ready to look at your own part in the pattern, you may want to ask an RLT therapist how they work. Some people may find a direct style uncomfortable. As with any method, the therapist’s skill and how both partners feel in the room matter as much as the label.
How are RLT therapists trained?
RLI offers Level 1 as an on-demand course you can work through at your own pace, Level 2 and Level 3 courses, and a certification pathway that includes practicums and mentoring. Training is open to therapists and also to relationship coaches, so check that anyone you see for couples therapy holds a California license.
How do I find an RLT-trained therapist?
Once listings open, you can filter our directory by “Relational Life Therapy.” Therapists describe their RLT training in their own words; we do not certify method training. RLI’s own site is the authoritative source on its certification.
Official source
For training standards, certification and the organization's own description, see Relational Life Institute. We are not affiliated with it except as disclosed above.
Sources
- Relational Life Institute, home page (checked November 5, 2026)
- Relational Life Institute, RLT Level 1 training (course description) (checked November 5, 2026)
- Relational Life Institute, RLT Certification (checked November 5, 2026)
Neutral overview for general education, not a recommendation of any method.