What Advice Would You Give a Couple to Improve Their Communication?
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What Advice Would You Give a Couple to Improve Their Communication?
Couples striving for better communication received wisdom from seasoned professionals, with insights from a Relationship Coach to a Licensed Professional Counselor. From the importance of Engaging with Eye Contact to the pivotal role of Practicing Active Listening, here are the top five pieces of advice on enhancing mutual understanding and connection.
- Engage with Eye Contact
- Acknowledge Mutual Validity
- Express Feelings with 'I' Statements
- Practice Active Listening
- Prioritize Comprehension Over Communication
Engage with Eye Contact
The key is to slow down and look each other in the eyes as you speak. If you can do this effectively, you can hear and truly listen to understand, rather than to respond.
Acknowledge Mutual Validity
If I could offer only one piece of advice to a couple trying to communicate more effectively, I would share a gem I learned at the Center for Right Relationship:
“In relationships, everyone is right—partially.”
When I offer this advice to couples, I suggest that the word “partially” is often unnecessary. Why? Because most of what we disagree about is comprised of opinions, thoughts, beliefs, feelings, standards, strategies, and so on. In other words, we lock horns over things that are highly subjective, no matter how much we insist they are facts or the result of impeccable logic or the only perspective worth having.
While understanding that we’re both right doesn’t resolve *all* communication challenges, it alleviates many of them. It also inspires us to shift from the battle of wills prompted by the question, “Who’s right?” to exploring opportunities for collaboration in this question: “If we’re both right, now what?”
Discovering answers together as a team offers a helpful path to better communication, enhanced connection, and more relationship fulfillment.
Express Feelings with 'I' Statements
One piece of advice I'd give to couples trying to communicate more effectively is to focus on expressing how you feel instead of placing blame. When something's bothering you, use 'I' statements like, 'I feel hurt when...' instead of 'You always...' This shifts the conversation from blame to vulnerability, allowing the partner to understand how their actions affect you without feeling attacked.
By focusing on our emotions and experiences, we create space for understanding and empathy. This encourages open, honest dialogue and makes it easier to resolve conflicts in a healthy, loving way.
Practice Active Listening
One piece of advice I would offer couples trying to communicate more effectively is to practice active listening. This means truly hearing your partner without planning your response while they're speaking. Reflect back what you've heard to ensure you understand their perspective, and avoid interrupting or jumping to conclusions. This technique helps build empathy and reduces misunderstandings. In my experience, couples who actively listen to one another create a foundation of trust, making it easier to navigate difficult conversations.
Prioritize Comprehension Over Communication
Communication difficulties are by far the number-one presenting problem of couples that seek out counseling, and most couples are adamant that getting better at communication is the key to helping them become more loving and successful. However, the one piece of advice I would provide to couples trying to communicate more effectively is to prioritize comprehension, not communication.
Listening skills, attunement to your partner, and empathy are all associated with higher levels of relationship satisfaction. Put simply, if you want to become a better partner, become a better listener. Communication is focused on what we share and how we share it, whereas comprehension looks more deeply at what we're perceiving and how we are 'hearing' what is being communicated.
Furthermore, comprehension also takes into consideration hearing the meaning and emotions included in the words of your partner and additionally also 'hears' what's left unsaid or unspoken. Truly listening to your partner is the most powerful and useful tool in your relationship arsenal and one that is too often underutilized.
