7 Ways to Address a Partner's Resistance to Marriage Counseling
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7 Ways to Address a Partner's Resistance to Marriage Counseling
When a partner is resistant to attending marriage counseling, it can feel like an insurmountable hurdle. Relationship Coaches and Breakup & Relationship Coaches offer valuable insights on overcoming this challenge. From focusing on what you can control to starting with curiosity instead of convincing, this article gathers seven expert tips. Discover the first hand advice starting with focusing on what you can control and concluding with starting with curiosity.
- Focus on What You Can Control
- Evaluate Your Relationship Commitment
- Emphasize Benefits of Better Communication
- Attend Counseling Alone First
- Approach With Empathy and Open Mind
- Address Concerns Without Judgment
- Start With Curiosity, Not Convincing
Focus on What You Can Control
It's frustrating and discouraging when your partner resists going to marriage counseling. It can even feel like a sign that they don't care about the relationship. But here's the good news: You don't need him to be on board with counseling to turn your marriage around. You can start improving your relationship without him even knowing.
When my marriage was in crisis, I learned that the most important thing I could do was focus on what I could control, which was myself. I was desperate because my usual approach—telling my husband what he needed to change—wasn't working. But when I started using the Six Intimacy Skills™—things like respecting his thinking, becoming more playful, and making him feel trusted—things started to shift dramatically.
By focusing on what I could do, I became an empowered wife, and that energy was contagious. Suddenly, my husband's attitude toward me and our marriage changed. He wanted to spend more time with me, he was more affectionate, and he was much more willing to show up for our relationship like he did when he was wooing me.
So, if your partner resists counseling, take the first step yourself. Start implementing the Six Intimacy Skills™ in your marriage, and you'll likely see a big change—even if he's not ready for counseling. It's all about creating a positive, inviting atmosphere that draws your husband back into the relationship. You have more power than you realize to shift things in a way that feels both natural and empowering.
Evaluate Your Relationship Commitment
You need to ask yourself: Is this the kind of situation I want long-term? Because clearly there are issues that need attention if the topic of counseling is on the table.
If your spouse is not willing to attend counseling, it's a strong indication that they're not as invested as you are in the relationship. Marriage should feel like a partnership. That's what you signed up for, after all. If they won't even try, it's time to take a step back and ask yourself why you're still holding on.
Emphasize Benefits of Better Communication
If your partner is hesitant about marriage counseling, I recommend emphasizing the benefits of better communication and understanding, rather than focusing on the issues. When I faced a similar situation, I gently suggested starting with a single session—without pressure—just to see how it felt. It led to a positive shift. At PinProsPlus, we believe in tackling challenges with an open mind, and sometimes small steps can lead to great progress.
Attend Counseling Alone First
When one partner is hesitant to go to counseling, accept it and go by yourself. You cannot force a person to be open, learn, change, etc., if they are unwilling. If you go for yourself, you can learn new skills that will be used in the relationship. Consider yourself the first ripple in the pond of your relationship. You can only be responsible for your growth, and in doing so, hopefully, your partner will see/feel the positive change and want to join you at a later date.
Approach With Empathy and Open Mind
When a partner is resistant to attending marriage counseling, some advice would be to approach the topic with empathy and an open mind to hearing out the other person. Therapy can benefit both partners by creating a safe environment for expression and being able to talk through struggles. Some hesitation may be due to the perspective of therapy being a last resort or a sign of failure. Instead of pushing the issue, one can express their desire to strengthen the relationship and learn different communication skills. In a similar situation, I found it helpful to start small with one session together to see if it felt helpful. This gentle approach allows partners to feel less pressure and more open to the idea, leading to a more collaborative effort to address challenges. An option is offering to go individually first, as this can ease concerns and demonstrate a commitment to improving the relationship. Patience, consistency, and honest communication are key in creating a shift toward getting help together as a couple.
Address Concerns Without Judgment
If your partner is hesitant about marriage counseling, start by addressing their concerns without judgment. Share your reasons for wanting counseling in a calm, open way, focusing on how it could help your relationship—not just fix problems. In my own experience, I approached my partner by suggesting we try just one session to see how it felt. Framing it as a shared effort rather than something "wrong" made it feel less intimidating. You might also suggest reading a book or watching a video on relationship-building together first to ease into the idea. Small steps can make a big difference in opening up the conversation and getting them on board.
Start With Curiosity, Not Convincing
Start with Curiosity, Not Convincing
When your partner resists marriage counseling, it can feel frustrating and disheartening, but the first step isn't to convince them—it's to get curious. Often, resistance comes from fear, misunderstanding, or feeling blamed. Ask your partner what concerns them about counseling. Is it the fear of being judged? A belief that things aren't "bad enough"? Or maybe a feeling that counseling is about assigning blame rather than fostering connection?
When I've worked with individuals facing this situation, I've encouraged them to approach their partner with empathy rather than pressure. For instance, one client's partner feared that therapy would emphasize their problems and that it was even a recipe for divorce. I helped them look at the research on Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy to see that over 70% of couples improve and sustain their progress. Furthermore, recognizing that doing nothing is more predictive of marital problems than trying couples therapy.
You might also invite your partner to think of counseling as a way to invest in your relationship, much like a check-up for a car or a financial plan for the future. If the idea of therapy feels too daunting, consider suggesting one session as a trial, without commitment. That first step can often ease resistance and open the door to further exploration.
Remember, your openness and patience can set the tone. When your partner feels heard and supported, they're more likely to feel safe exploring counseling alongside you.
