6 Things Couples Should Know Before Starting Marriage Counseling

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    MarriageCounseling.io

    6 Things Couples Should Know Before Starting Marriage Counseling

    Considering marriage counseling for the first time can be both an exciting and daunting experience. This blog post offers valuable insights from seasoned experts on what couples should know before taking the plunge. From embracing vulnerability, honesty, and openness to committing to patience and self-reflection, the advice spans six critical areas. Read on to discover the key to a successful counseling journey, starting with the importance of vulnerability and ending with the need for patience and self-reflection.

    • Embrace Vulnerability, Honesty, and Openness
    • Define and Strive for Shared Goals
    • Engage Fully in Counseling Sessions
    • Understand Each Other's Communication Styles
    • Use Guidance from Your Therapist
    • Commit to Patience and Self-Reflection

    Embrace Vulnerability, Honesty, and Openness

    Couples therapy is amazing, but it requires a few key ingredients:

    1) Vulnerability - It's not about the dishwasher; it's about what it feels like to be dismissed or to not feel heard. The deeper you can go, the greater the intimacy created. But what do you need from your partner to be vulnerable? Don't be afraid to ask for it.

    2) Honesty - How are you really feeling about your partner and relationship? A skilled couples therapist will help guide the conversation and create the space for your honesty. Keep in mind - it does matter HOW you say it. Try to be soft and speak from your experience, not what they said or did... what were your feelings/thoughts/reactions?

    3) Openness - Are you open to hearing your partner's experience, even if you disagree with it? Defensiveness will shut things down quickly or escalate it into an argument. Listen to understand. Don't listen to defend or respond.

    4) Expectations - Are they realistic? Is it all about your partner changing? Go into marriage counseling with humility to see your part. Yes, you have a part.

    Ben Hoogland
    Ben HooglandCouples Therapist, Twin Cities Marriage & Family Therapy

    Define and Strive for Shared Goals

    Shared goals are essential for effective counseling. Both partners need to have a mutual understanding of their objectives. Striving towards these goals together will create a sense of unity and purpose.

    When couples are on the same page, the counseling sessions become more productive. This common ground fosters cooperation and progress. Start your counseling journey by discussing and defining your shared goals.

    Engage Fully in Counseling Sessions

    Counseling requires active participation from both partners. Merely showing up for the sessions is not enough. Each person must be willing to engage in honest and open dialogue.

    This effort ensures that both voices are heard and considered. Full participation allows for more meaningful and impactful counseling. Commit to being fully present and involved in each session.

    Understand Each Other's Communication Styles

    Understanding each other's communication styles is crucial. Many conflicts arise from misunderstandings and misinterpretations. Recognizing how your partner communicates can help prevent these issues.

    Effective communication paves the way for resolving conflicts and building stronger connections. The process involves learning, adapting, and respecting each other’s styles. Begin by exploring and appreciating your partner's unique way of expressing themselves.

    Use Guidance from Your Therapist

    A therapist cannot solve your problems but can guide you. The role of a counselor is to facilitate understanding and provide tools to address issues. Both partners need to take an active role in applying these tools in everyday life.

    Dependence on the therapist alone will not yield lasting results. The true change happens through the effort and commitment of both individuals. Make a conscious effort to use the guidance provided by your therapist.

    Commit to Patience and Self-Reflection

    It's a process requiring patience, commitment, and self-reflection. The journey of marriage counseling is not about quick fixes. Real progress is often gradual and requires time and dedication.

    Both partners must look inward and assess their own behaviors. This self-reflection helps in understanding and improving the relationship. Embrace the journey with an open heart and a willingness to grow.