3 Techniques to Express Appreciation and Strengthen Relationships
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3 Techniques to Express Appreciation and Strengthen Relationships
Unveiling the secrets to fostering stronger bonds, this article demystifies 3 techniques to express appreciation effectively. Drawing on the knowledge of renowned relationship experts, it offers a range of actionable strategies. From reflection exercises to innovative appreciation practices, learn how to deepen connections in personal and professional spheres.
- Reflect On And Share Appreciation
- Have Regular Distraction-Free Meetings
- Use An Appreciation Jar
Reflect On And Share Appreciation
I am a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist. One technique Imago uses is called "The Appreciation Dialogue." This involves setting aside intentional time to reflect on and share something you genuinely appreciate about your partner. Using structured sentence stems, each partner takes turns expressing appreciation:
"A characteristic, trait, or behavior I appreciate about you is..."
"One time in particular when I saw or felt that was..."
Being specific rather than generalizing is key. Instead of saying, "You're a great partner," say, "I appreciate how patient you were when I was stressed about work last week. You listened without interrupting, and it made me feel really supported."
When couples are struggling, they often fall into negative sentiment override (NSO)-a term describing when one or both partners filter interactions through a lens of negativity. Even neutral or positive actions can be misinterpreted as hostile or dismissive. For example, if NSO is present, a simple, "Did you take out the trash?" might be perceived as criticism rather than a question.
Appreciation exercises help shift this mindset by rewiring the focus toward strengths rather than flaws.
Have Regular Distraction-Free Meetings
One of the unique things I encourage couples to do is to have regular meetings. This is time set aside from chores, no screens, no phones, no distractions. Have a little treat, nice glass of wine, coffee, hot chocolate, whatever your guilty pleasure. This is a time to just focus on each other - and before starting with the business laundry list of things that have to get done or what to do - take a moment for each partner to express three small things about the other. They can be concrete or deep but actually say it - while making eye contact and allowing the other to truly take in this expression of gratitude. It allows your partner to feel validated, even if it is just a thank you for taking out the garbage. The second factor that creates gratitude is asking the questions behind the story. Your partner tells you about something frustrating at work - lean in, ask not about the facts but what was that like on an emotional level and why. Really show your curiosity about the event - this will not only feel validating but increase gratitude in your interest in their inner world. After all, if you can't share your inner world with your partner, then who can you show it to?
Use An Appreciation Jar
Oh, expressing appreciation and gratitude—that's a wonderful part of nourishing any relationship. One effective technique used in marriage counseling for this purpose is the "Appreciation Jar." Essentially, each partner has a jar, and they're encouraged to write down things they appreciate about the other person on little pieces of paper and put them in the other person's jar. Maybe one day it's "I love how you always make coffee in the morning," or "Thank you for listening to me rant about my day." It's all about noticing and acknowledging the small, everyday actions.
This practice helps because it turns positive thoughts into something tangible that your partner can see and read. It's easy in the hustle and bustle of life to forget to say "thank you" or "I appreciate you," but these little notes can be powerful reminders of love and appreciation. When partners feel valued and recognized, it definitely strengthens the bond between them. It's like watering a plant; regularly showing appreciation can help a relationship grow healthy and strong. So maybe tonight, consider slipping a note into an appreciation jar; it might just bring a smile to your loved one's face.
