3 Positive Changes from Setting Healthy Boundaries in Counseling
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3 Positive Changes from Setting Healthy Boundaries in Counseling
Discover how marriage counseling can help couples set healthy boundaries and improve their relationships. Insights from a Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist and an Expert Dating and Relationship Coach provide valuable perspectives. The first tip highlights the importance of learning healthy boundaries, while the final insight underlines the necessity of establishing those boundaries. In total, the article covers three expert insights.
- Learn Healthy Boundaries
- Determine Individual Boundaries
- Establish Healthy Boundaries
Learn Healthy Boundaries
Marriage counseling creates a transformative space for couples to learn healthy boundaries, an important factor in the development and stability of a relationship. I will share how this process normally occurs and the positive changes that come from it.
Most couples find it difficult to set boundaries initially, as they are more likely to see it as a point of conflict rather than connection. In counseling, they learn that boundaries aren't walls but clear agreements that strengthen their relationship. Through guided sessions, partners develop concrete skills in expressing their own needs respectfully. Most of the time, changing from implicit expectations to overt communication is a turning point in the relationship dynamic between them.
This means that boundary setting actually increases intimacy, not decreases it. When the couple knows and respects each other's limits but is emotionally bonded, they report feeling secure and valued. The communication skills learned in counseling-a clear expression of self, the ability to listen actively and respectfully negotiate-are valuable ones that strengthen the relationship over time. Most importantly, couples come to realize that boundary-setting is not about keeping them apart but creating a bond of mutual understanding and respect and bringing them closer.
Determine Individual Boundaries
How can marriage counseling help couples set healthy boundaries within their relationship? What positive changes did you observe?
Setting healthy boundaries is essential in every relationship. Therefore, the first step is for each individual to determine their boundaries on specific topics and situations. The simple example below illustrates how this works.
The topic for our example is
Person #1 I need a half hour of quiet time in the morning. And no contact during the day unless it's an emergency. When I get home, I like to have 30 minutes to myself.
At this point, it's important to have a discussion about ways each person can get enough of their needs met on a regular basis. For example In the morning, will it work for me to get a hug and kiss right away if we don't talk?
Person #2 Yes, I'd rather receive the hug and kiss when you can be present so I'm happy to wait.
Person #1 Maybe I could text you during the day as a check-in?
Person #1 I can commit to doing that each day. (In this case, I'd advise this person to set their phone alarm for 2pm and 2 Also, I'm happy to text you on the way home to see if you need something from the store. And, after I bring in the groceries, I'll go into my home office for my 30 minutes of quiet time, and we can talk again when I come back out.
This very straightforward example illustrates the effectiveness of (1) open communication and (2) willingness to compromise. Individual needs in a relationship can be quite different. If they aren't discussed, resentful and frustrated feelings can quickly escalate. And when partners openly discuss their needs, healthy compromises can be found.
Establish Healthy Boundaries
Marriage counseling can assist couples in establishing healthy boundaries by providing a safe space for open communication and offering guidance on respecting individual needs and limits. There are four boundary issues in a marriage that are usually non-negotiable for the couple. These are affairs, addictions, chronic spending above what the couple can afford, and yelling, cussing, or fighting. When the husband and wife begin to eliminate the four non-negotiable boundary issues, then they can begin to accept their partner more fully. The most positive change that I have seen in this regard has been in the area of forgiveness which is a big step toward the restoration of the marriage.
